Mankind's only alternative 3   DEC.   22  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog
Vlad's Daily Gloat

eXile Blog
eXile TV
Face Control
Vlad's Daily Gloat


The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sashas...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Shwarma Shuttle Expo This hopped-up "Kopeika" Lada shows off its rubber-burning power to an awed provincial audience...
May 11, 2008 in eXile TV

He Loves Me ... He Loves Me Not ... He Loves Me! Why does this woman wear her shiner...
May 1, 2008 in Face Control

Americans Suck Dick For Gas Money
Vlad Kalashnikov ( Email ) on March 20, 2008


I was preparing to begin today's Daily Gloat about retarded maniac George Bush telling the United States of Dumbfucks that the war in Iraq is "worth it," but then a reader with a French-sounding name, Gilles, linked me to the funniest story of the year: An American woman in Arizona is reported to offer a guy a blowjob for gas money!
A Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office spokesman says 43-year-old Kelli Still appeared at the home of an acquaintance near University Drive and Ellsworth Road. Deputies claim Still intended to barter oral sex for gas money. Instead, Still is accused of using a pair of scissors to stab Michael Hamilton several times.

When deputies arrived, both Still and Hamilton were bloody. Still was eventually booked in the 4th Avenue Jail on aggravated assault charges.
What happened to the country that is the "world's only superpower"? In just a couple of years you went from "world's policemen" to "world's clowns" to your new role as "world's train station whores." For guys like me, or French people like Gilles, or just about anybody on this planet who hates your dumbfuck guts, you give us free comedy entertainment every day. And if I am eating a business lunch and I decide, "I think I want my dick sucked now," then I know that I only need to call up some American woman, offer her gas money, which for people who earn money in real currencies like the Euro or Ruble, gasoline is not all that expensive, so that means a blowjob from an American woman is also just pocket change for us.


Really, don't you Americans even have one drop of dignity? It hurts to live in an empire that is collapsing, but jesus christ man, you have to have just one little tiny milligram of dignity. No, that's asking too much of you pigs.

The story is the perfect snapshot of America today: sucking a dick for a tank of gasoline, then she attacked the john with some scissors because that is all Americans know how to do: either on their knees sucking a dick, or with a knife trying to kill you. What a bunch of fucking animals, we should sterilize you freaks. The end of this story is perfect: the dick-sucker is now in jail, and the whole world is laughing at her, just like we laugh at the loser America.


And I thought it was funny when the bloodthirsty retard George Bush told his retarded countrymen that the 5-year war in Iraq is "worth it," and the man is not attacked by angry mobs and set on fire. No mobs, because Americans are too passive, too brainwashed, too peasant-like to argue with a bloodthirsty son of an oligarch. That is good for me, good for Russia, good for France, good for the entire world that does not want your fucking presence. Thank you for continuing your self-destruction in Iraq, dumbfuckers! That means you will keep going down the toilet, piece by piece, into the sewer of history where you belong. I only wonder how long the smell you made will linger.

--Vlad Kalashnikov

See all: Vlad's Daily Gloat  


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscows Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywoods Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

Face Control

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442