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June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
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Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
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Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
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More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
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Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
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Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
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More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Club Review April 6, 2007
Just Like Heaven
By Hannah Katz Browse author

Who knew so many elitny clubbing jerk-offs were Katz readers? And Katzophiles? I've been catching hell from nouveau-glam locals who are apparently concerned about this new super-club where rich 18 year-olds just back from London wear ascots and satin ties -- repeat, wear ascots and satin ties. These haters tell me RAI means "Paradise," and I -- OMFG! -- translated it as "Heaven" last issue. Stop the presses, right? Hey, I know -- let's all gather around a big lab table and place a single one of my pubes in the middle of it! Then, let's watch a bunch of ascot wearing eXholes attempt to splice my pube into...two pubes! If they can do it, I'll translate Rai as Paradise and not Heaven from now on! K?

Not that I care, but I got some back up on this one. Whoever runs that Moscow Doesn't Believe In Tears clubbing blog ALSO translates it as Heaven, and he's actually been there and knows the owner and shit. So I'm thinking now we can drop this whole matter and get down to the important stuff, like the end of my relationship with Mike. Yeah, it's over. Done-diddy-done. We had some fun, he created some kicks where there were none before. But the rollercoaster ride is over and I'm pulling out of Putz's parking lot and driving full speed back to the other side of the gender divide, back to my lovely dyevs. They miss me, ya know. (I'm sure you're reading this Mike, and no I don't want to talk and no you aren't getting the Doctor Who DVDs back. You blew it baby. Enjoy L.A.)

And that's that. I'm not going into any details, and no, there was no hot break-up sex, so don't ask Katz. I've wasted enough column inches on that little chapter of my neverending autobiographical chick novel, so I'm going back to writing about REAL things, like music and clubs and chicks, or I might get my publishing privileges taken away. And a girl needs an outlet or she starts to go a leetle insane.

Speaking of outlets, who is this masked mystery dude behind Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears? He seems to have Jedi skills getting past Third Reich Face Control, and takes places like Rai just seriously enough to make me think he's a douchebag, but fuck it I'm intrigued. Why the anonymity, Tears boy? Or are you a girl? In which case, drop me a line through the mail bag. Now that I'm free again, I just might let you let me show you a good time. As they say on craigslist back home, "I'm cute, You be too."

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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