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Club Review March 23, 2007
Joke's On You!
By Hannah Katz Browse author

Ha ha! So let me ask you a question: Did you feel sorry for me when you read my last column? Or did you think, "Wow, what has Hannah come to these days? Is this the end of her? Is the girl going soft?" If so, you were right. Not only did I get played by some Brit loser, but I also let the whole world know about it. I just laid it bare. You know, all of me. My dreams, my pain... It was kind of endearing, dont'cha think?

See, I know exactly what you people say because I get your fan mail. And I'm pretty shocked at all the support. I thought I'd get more hate mail for that kind of wimpy stuff. Does that mean my readers are mostly sob stories that can't help shed a tear when they watch some lame-ass romantic comedy?

Well, if you're one of those, start shedding your tears right now. Cuz everything I wrote in the last column was a lie. Well, everything except the club review and my sister's birthday. But all that about Mike ditching me and standing me up, about having that dream where Mike went with me to NYC only to wake up and find out that I was utterly alone. It was all a pure fabrication.

Why? I don't know. I guess I wanted to stretch my ability as a writer, to see if I could write fiction, to bend my creative talents into something other than describing the interior decor of some crappy wanna-be club.

So yes, if you are wondering, I just got back from NYC. Yes, I attended my sister's wedding. I'm not going to get into the details of it. Suffice it to say that my parents (yeah, they're divorced) got into this huge drunk screaming fit. I got the whole thing on tape. We couldn't stop watching it on instant replay. Mike and I just kept falling down laughing.

Yup, there's Mike again. Didn't I tell you that all I said was a lie? We did fly out to NYC together in business class. We did fuck in the synagogue at the wedding rehearsal. But we didn't get to shag on the plane. Both of us passed out on sleeping pills.

Oh wait, I'm in a writing mood today. I'm almost done with my column and haven't actually got around to saying anything about the club, HEAVEN. To tell you the truth, I didn't go. I was going to make it up like I did last week's story about Mike and me getting into a fight, but I don't feel like it. This sucks. As soon as you realize you're full of energy to write, you lose it. Anyway, Mike and I drove by last Friday. But there were a bunch of annoying Russian clubbers crowding the way, so we decided to fuck it.

The least I could do is provide you with a link to Afisha's review, right? Here it is:


Address: Bolotnaya Nab. 9a

Phone: 767-1474

M: Oktyabrskaya

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The (Culinary) Battle of Vinograd :
Metro Escalator Sentinel
Field Guide To Moscow: Cadaverosus Antiquus :
Travel Guide
The Exile’s 2008 Happy Planet Guide To Moscow :
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Photo Essay: Balakhani, Azerbaijan :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
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We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

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eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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