Mankind's only alternative 31   JUL.   21  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Club Review March 6, 2007
Too Pissed To Fuck You
By Hannah Katz Browse author

So I'm taking off to NYC in less than 6 hours to go to my sister's wedding. As soon as I finish writing this column, I'm packing my bags, taking a shower and calling a cab. I'm freaking pissed. Do you know how it feels to get stood up for a trans-Atlantic date? No, probably not. Well, here let me tell you.

Ever since going out to Karma Bar two weeks ago, Mike and I have been getting kind a close. Basically, we've seen each other for fourteen nights straight. Somewhere around day number eight, I had this crazy idea pop into my head. This guy might be a little slow and we don't have much to talk about, but god is he a great lay and we never ever have any problems. Mike's always has this weird way of being subservient without losing his masculinity. I'm not sure how it works, actually.

Anyway, we were lying in bed and I thought, "I haven't bought tickets yet...maybe I'll ask him to join me?" I never liked my sister's friends and her fiance's family is even worse. Mike would add a little color to the scene. We'd bone like jack rabbits everywhere. In the dressing rooms as we were getting fitted for our wedding attire and while everyone was busy shaking hands, we'd sneak of into the synagogue's bathroom, or better yet some space high up near the dome...

He was into it and even offered to pick up the tab for our tickets. His secretary would take care of it and we'd fly business class. Sweet. Mile High Club, here we come!

I was sure we were gonna have a great time in just a few days. But I should've known better. A few days later we were out boozing hard at 30/7 and stumbled into a new club that just opened next door. It was cleverly named TOO DRUNK TO FUCK, you know after that Dead Kennedy's song.

The place was all right. Basically it's the same sort of deal as 30/7. It's expensive, has a glitzy Manhattan lounge wannabe interior, thirty-something's upper management types and a bunch of cute girls on the hunt for money

I got back from the bathroom and Mike was sitting up this that stupid couch slash bed contraption. He looked uneasy. Sure enough, he started blurting out that he was sorry, spontaneously, without any explanation. It looked and sounded pathetic. People started giving him bad looks. "Sorry, sorry and more sorry," is all that came out of his fucking mouth. It took him a full ten minutes to own up to it, but finally he did it. The fucking bastard knew he couldn't go to NYC with me the day after he said yes, but didn't know how to tactfully tell me. And not only was standing me up, but he didn't even get the tickets he promised. I was too drunk to give a shit. I walked out and had his driver take me straight to my apartment.

I woke up late in the afternoon, opened my eyes and guess what was on my pillow? A bouquet of roses, a roundtrip business class ticket to JFK and a note saying I'd be picked up for the airport. I smiled and then -- woke up again! But this time, there were no tickets, no roses and fucking note. I had to dish out a grand for the tickets.

This issue is my catharsis. But next issue, its bitch from hell payback time, asshole.

Too Drunk To Fuck

Address: Petrovsky Blvd., 30/7

M: Pushkinskaya

Open from noon to late

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit

The Ghosts of 9 / 11 : an out-of-this-world eXile exclusive!

Party Players :
Sports Column
Holyfield And The Russian : Norman Mailer covers his last fight
War Nerd: The Siege
Nahr al Bared: A Squeamish Siege : The art of the seige


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442