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Club Review October 6, 2006
I Like Alcohol
By Hannah Katz Browse author

I'm a bitch. So I've know it comes as no surprise that my reviews depend wholly on my mood. I'm not objective and proud of it. But don't think I'm an airhead, or that I didn't give my technique any thought. It's all intentional on my part.

To truly review a place, I've got to feel a place. I've got to see how it affects my mood. Say you're having a shitty day, a club's supposed to fix it. Or maybe you need to get laid but have no one to turn to, a club's supposed to fix that too.

Now, I don't want to get into a metaphysical discussion here. All I'd like to get out is that it's not the club that matters, but the experience that it gives you.

With that out of the way, we can move on to business.

Last Saturday, I got invited to review a new club called ALEX ALCO-HALL located right off of Pushkinskaya Ploschad. And I have to say that for the very first time in a long time, I was impressed.

I had a shitty day that I'm not going to get into and all I was looking forward to some booze, a fuck and then a snuggle. Hey, what can I say, even a bitch like me needs affection once in a while and my banker fuckbuddy Michael was the perfect man for the job.

When we got to the club, Michael got all excited. His buddies at work were talking this place up, he told me.

Instead of the usual goons, this place had a super hot chick at feis control that was parting the velvet ropes for all expats, no questions asked. That's not something you see everyday and definitely a plus in my book.

I've never been, but supposedly ALEX ALCO-HALL is located in the same space as the old B Club and is run by the longtime partner of Moscow nightlife guru, Jean-Michel.

The man definitely knows how to run a club. We got there at 10pm and the place was already packed. By eleven, it was going off like nothing else. Everyone was going apeshit over Alco-Hall's innovative drink special system that is modeled after the stock market. And for once, nice selection of guys and girls, including some tasty expats.

A drink special's announced on the TV's hanging around the club. The prices start falling and you've got to time your purchase right to get the best deal before the prices start climbing again. Michael and his banker friends just couldn't get enough.

But this place has another little secret that has yet to be disclosed to the general public.

Just as Michael was starting to really piss me off with the work talk bender that he gets into sometimes - as if I really care about finance developments and bank mergers I was quietly whisked away by the management to see a secret entrance to Babylone, a new stip joint opened by Alco-Hall's owners, and run by Jean-Michel.

But it's not so much a strip club, as a garden of earthly sin. Rows upon rows of the hottest Russian girls I've ever seen in a strip club. And trust me, I've seen a lot. I couldn't make full use of the fully private circular booths lining the main hall, but it's definitely something to keep in mind.

Here's a tip to all you pussy whipped boys out there. Come here with your girlfriend. And while she chats and smokes with her girlfriend, you slip next door, have yourself a quickie and be back in time to order her another drink.

Now that's the kind of club power I'm talking about.

8 Strasnoy Bul

M: Pushkinskaya

7pm to 6am M-F

10pm to 6am Sat/Sun

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The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

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