Mankind's only alternative 31   JUL.   21  
Mankind's only alternative
Welcome
MAIN  RUSSIA  WAR NERD   [SIC!]  BAR-DAK  THE VAULT  ABOUT US  RSS
 
 
EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Club Review July 15, 2006
 
Saturday Night Sovok
By Hannah Katz Browse author
 
 

This time I made sure to go solo (a.k.a. without Rudnitsky) and bring my French crush. Notice how I'm not calling him out by name. That's supposed to be a hint that I'm actually into this guy. No, I'm not talking about love, I don't believe in it. I'm talking about a romantic interest that spans more then the twelve hours it takes to hook up and fuck. Just thinking of those limp alcohol-soaked dicks guys keep trying to put in me gives me a gag reflex. Hey, I'm just looking out for my sexual wellbeing.

Anyway, the director of LENINGRAD had been bothering me for about a month to come out and review her club. But I had a bad feeling about the place. Its location wasn't central, the name seemed dated and their claim of being a clean version of Studio 54 was downright hilarious.

I was gonna blow her off, but then I was out with -- let's call him Jacque -- and it was a particularly dead night. We had dinner and were just strolling around Tverskaya. We were definitely tipsy. The heat put us on track for a Pina Colada binger. But still, we had nothing to do and were getting a bit bored of each other's company. And then bam, guess who calls?

The director from Leningrad practically pleaded me to come and check it out that night. As she told me before, they are a disco club, supposedly the only pure disco club in Moscow. That particular night was special, they were having some sort of amateur disco contest. Hmmm, interesting. "Could I join in," I asked.

She was surprised. "Yes, of course, if you'd like, but it's couples only..."

"Oh that won't be a problem," I assured her.

We had some trouble finding the way, even though Jacques has a driver. For some reason, the club was tucked deep inside a dvor that zigzagged like a snake. I started having my doubts about my decision.

Anyway, we slipped in past the 300RUB cover and were whisked to the club. It was circular and had a lit up disco dance floor right in the center! The only thing missing were polyester suits. Talk about cheese.

The contest didn't start yet so we had nothing to do but drink the most expensive champagne they had. I didn't even look at the price. I just told the waiter to bring the best they had. Hey, halyava is halyava...

The club was about 70% full and the people didn't seem to be enjoying themselves. The women were provincial looking, approaching thirty and the men seemed of an older sovok type. They looked pitiful trying to do a John Travolta dance impersonation.

We were starting on our second bottle of champagne when the competition started. The four pairs were all decked out in neon dance competition suits, dancing shoes -- the entire get up. There was no way I was drunk enough for this. No fucking way.

I was getting plastered watching them dance , but my fun levels were dropping at an alarming rate. So we finished off the chamagne and took off.

At the door, the okhraniki were trying to kick a drunken woman out. But she kept stabbing at them with her stiletto heels. How miserable. It really got me down.

I need an orgasm boost on the double, dear Jacque. But he behaved as the usual drunken male. He was too tired and way too limp. Thank god that Viagra is sold over the counter here.

Come to think of it, the stuff comes in handy so often, I should keep it stocked in my purse.

Leningradsky Prospekt 24a

M Belorusskaya

213-5260, 656-4300

SHARE:  Del.icio.us  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
 
 
FROM THE VAULT
Afghan Gore
Afghan Warfare Just Got Real : Our man in Afghanistan loses two friends

Who Are These People? : Reality Television Produces Fake Celebrities
Price of Oil is Up!
Rise, Oil, Rise! :
$$$
Separated At Worth :
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442
E-mail: office@exile.ru