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Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
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Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
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Feature Story December 25, 2003
 
What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
 
Page 6 of 17
 
The Joke: a classic sucker gag, the old overhyped plague routine. Every year they trot out a new epidemic with a comic acronymic name, and every year everybody gets excited about the chance of seeing all their neighbors and friends die horrible deaths...and then comes the big letdown. SARS was supposed to sweep out of the swarming slums of Hong Kong like Genzhiz Khan. Instead, as a trembling world awaited, it managed to kill off a few hundred Chinese, about the same number as the average African bus crash. This is the kind of thing that's funnier when you think about it later rather than a straight-up sight gag.

Sad Clown factor: meanwhile, the population of China hit 1.25 billion people and dozens of Asian mammals became extinct.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

15. The Euro

The Joke: The Euro seemed like a joke, the declining currency of an eternally-declining Europe. Not long ago, it was worth less than 85 cents to the dollar. Then George W. Bush's policies started kicking in, America's economy tanked and its war machine ground into a quagmire, and now the dollar has crashed so far against the Euro (it takes $1.25 to buy a Euro) that the greenback looks more like the ruble. The ruble? Ha! America should be so lucky! Even the ruble has appreciated against the dollar! "Take my dollar, please!"

Sad Clown factor: Unfortunately for Europe, the strength of the Euro only means further economic stagnation, higher unemployment, and more impossible-to-sell overpriced goods from EU countries, so that les Europeens sont tres tristes...et pauvres. Also, 98% of Americans are too afraid to travel, so they don't even know that their dollar has collapsed, and don't care anyway.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

16. Less is Moore

The Joke: The Academy Awards turned into America's Funniest Home Videos when Michael Moore won "Best Documentary" for Bowling for Columbine. Having just awarded Moore its highest honor for making a daring political statement, the crowd started booing loudly when Moore tried to make a statement against the Iraq war in his acceptance speech. They were all for him being daring and political, but not now, damn it! Not when people's careers are on the line! The same crowd that sat through dozens of long speeches punctuated by fake tears was suddenly enraged by Moore's 100-word denunciation of the Iraq war. Even the band got into the act, striking up its loudest tune to drown Moore out. If that bit of limousine liberal hypocrisy and cowardice wasn't funny enough, then consider America's feature writers, who drew exactly the wrong lesson from this strange moment. They concluded that a patriotic crowd objected to antiwar comments. Not at all. In fact, the Hollywood crowd is uniformly liberal. They just didn't want anyone to know it at the time.

Sad Clown factor: Here's chirpy E Online to tell what happened next: "[Steve] Martin saved the moment from turning ugly, quipping: 'It was so sweet backstage. The Teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.' The comedian's deft sense of humor in dealing with the difficult times inside and outside the auditorium got good feedback."


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FROM THE VAULT

Al-Dilbert :

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LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
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The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
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