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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story December 25, 2003
 
What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
 
Page 5 of 17
 
Sad Clown factor: The poor New York Times declared triumphantly on April 13th that Chavez's "resignation" meant that "Venezuelan democracy is no longer threatened by a would-be dictator," explaining that Chavez "stepped down after the military intervened and handed power to a respected business leader." Three days later, the Times ran a remorse-drenched editorial: "Forcibly unseating a democratically elected leader, no matter how badly he has performed, is never something to cheer." Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

12. Wolf-O-Bitch

The Joke: Paul Wolfowitz, the roughest, toughest NeoCon ever to dodge combat in Nam, rode into occupied Baghdad in October '03, ready to lay down the law. And after a tough day setting up a peaceful, orderly Iraq, he bedded down at the Al-Rasheed Hotel, the most heavily-guarded building in the entire Middle East, at the very center of the high-security, bomb-proof zone. At 5:30 Sunday morning, he got a wake-up call from at least six rocket-propelled grenades that slammed into the hotel, killing a US Colonel and turning the fierce Wolfowitz into a screaming, terrified -- or as the mainstream press said, "shaken" -- bitch. After stuttering his way through a hasty press conference, Wolf-o-bitch took the next jet out, exit stage left, expressing with his whole being the true meaning of "snagglepuss."

Sad Clown factor: One of the rockets hit just a floor above where Wolfowitz was sleeping, killing a genuine soldier, sparing the pin-headed Chickenhawk.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

13. The Opening Of Snobs

The Joke: If humor could be harvested, then Snobs would be the world's funniest new restaurant of 2003. Founded by Stepan Mikhalkov, son of sexually-ambiguous karate-kicking monarchist Nikita Mikhalkov, Snobs wrote in their opening press release "the name speaks for itself." If that wasn't funny enough, then its pseudo-eclectic menu, in which cuisines from around the world are stripped of flavor, pumped up in price and served to vulgar nouveaux riches at laughably high prices definitely brought out the knee slappin'. The food sucked and the restaurant flopped a few months after opening, but that didn't stop the opening of even more laughably overpriced, tacky, bland-cuisine restaurants like Vertinsky, Palazzo and Carpaccio.

Sad Clown factor: Snobs turned out to be so shitty that the snobs themselves turned on the restaurant, leading to a well-publicized change of chefs this fall, subbing a Limey for a Frog. Lena, get us another box o' kleenex!

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

14. SARS, Schmars!


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LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
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The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
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We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

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