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Feature Story October 28, 2003
 
Scary Moscow ‘03
Night of the Living Dead Kommissars
 
Page 4 of 4
 
Misha, dying, whispers, "She's not my special lady...she's my lady friend...And weren't you supposed to stand by me?"

Preston laughs heartily, slapping his Zombie escort on its bony, rotting shoulder.

Preston: "You said it, my friend. Freedom's nice and all that, but you know what? Stability is what we really need. And thanks to our metabolically-challenged friends here, we've got it. Just business, Misha. Just business."

Misha stares in confusion.

Preston goes on, "Well, the way we see it the living dead are an investment in stability. They're what stability is all about. See, the living, you, have proved to be unreliable. Whereas my friend Iron Feliks here -- " he nods to an especially fearsome, skeletal Zombie in a Chekist cap -- "Feliks is already as dead as he's gonna get. He and his buddies here didn't even want money! Just a steady supply of, well, you know, still-warm human flesh to eat. It works out perfectly. You remember soylent green? That was us. We don't interfere with their human meat consumption, and they let us pump a few billion barrels of oil."

Misha and Ira are both dead before Preston has finished his explanation. Preston shrugs and puts an arm around Iron Feliks's shoulder.

Preston: "Now let's talk numbers, good buddy. We're offering 500 good, healthy Filipina girls, nice'n'juicy, for every hundred tons of crude...."

Iron Feliks: "Fleshhhhh...fleshhhhhh."

Fade to black.

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FROM THE VAULT

2006: The Year Russia Schooled The West : Russia's Report Card For The 2006 Academic Year
Russia
One Day In The Life of Alina (or 24 Hours in a Kiosk) :

Your Letters :

Your Letters :
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
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The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
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We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

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