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Kino Korner November 27, 2002
The Bung-Ality of Evil
By Mark Ames Browse author Email
Page 4 of 4
God knows that English women are the biggest dogs in Europe, but if you've ever been to London you'll know that one in a hundred Brits is a knock-out babe descended from the rape-lust of Viking raiders, Norman conquerors and some glitch in the Anglo ugly-genes. Hurley is one such fine specimen. She even looks hot with wrinkles.

Unfortunately she's not a very convincing actress, even though her role demands little. And that's the movie's problem. Drug casualty Perry and Hugh Grant casualty Hurley have no chemistry whatsoever together, so once they're paired up Serving Sara goes from aggressive madcap to unconvincing bore. I passed out at about the one hour mark and woke up sometime near the lame ending, when Perry closed in on his dipshit yuppie dream of owning a winery in Napa Valley. As if a winery in Napa, or even a shack in Napa, could be bought for a mere million dollars!

These three movies reminded me well of America's thing-in-itself: all that potential, all that money and energy, ruined by so much caution and formula. Why? Why be cautious and scared? Why make a safe movie when you can blow people's minds and still make your big salary? What are people fucking afraid of?! It's America, goddamnit, the ruler of the world, but it acts like it's always on the verge of getting downsized!

RATING: 1/2 Stars 'N Stripes. Elizabeth Hurley is a Brit and a Babe. The Brits are the most solid members of the Coalition Against Terror. There's a scene where her jeans get ripped up her leg right up to her snapper and you can see her underwear. That alone will recruit a few Yemenis to join the Coalition.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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