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Kino Korner August 23, 2002
X-Treme Movies Kapsulz
By Mark Ames Browse author Email
Page 3 of 3
War nerds everywhere know that the battle in Ia Drang Valley that this movie alleges to depict is one of the most magnificent American battles of the last 50 years -- 350 green Americans laying waste to 4000 well-entrenched pajama monkeys. In Gibson's hands, the battle of the Valley of Death is sinfully reduced to bad acting, bad writing, bad directing, and lots and lots of shots of the American flag, drippy muzak and patriotic windbagging. When We Were Soldiers

The funniest/funnest parts of the movie are the scenes showing the soldiers' wives back in America as the battle unfolds. They sit around together like sheep at a tea party, waiting for the Widow-Gram messenger to ring the doorbell and tell them which has just won the coveted Widow's Pension Prize. "Ding-dong! Widow Gram! Gotta message fer ya, ma'am!"

We at the eXile don't like earning a living, so we sat there in this movie thinking that nothing could be as e-z as comforting a widowed wife, one hand stroking her tears, the other hand stealthily reaching into her purse to lift the pension check...We'd name our own version of this movie about how we scammed the widows of the battle of Ia Drang Valley "When We Were Wendeled," and we promise it would kick serious gook ass.

All in all, as you can see, this movie brought out the very worst in us. This film gets three bin Laden icons for its flawless ability to recruit Al Qaeda suicide bombers and sympathizers the world over.


Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden

(for eXtreme Al Qaeda recruiting material - should be banned)

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

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Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

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Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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