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Russia May 19, 2008
The Exile’s 2008 Happy Planet Guide To Moscow
Page 3 of 3

Time: 4 hours.

Red Square

Check out the drunk dude passed out on the bed inside of Lenin’s mausoleum. He can even sleep with the light on, and with people checking him out, that’s how wasted he is. Rumor has it that he was so drunk he named the square "Red Square," even though it’s like totally gray and stuff. This little dude has red hair and a red goatee. Coincidence?

Time: 2 hours. 1 hour to stand in line for the drunk dude. 5 minutes to look at him (it’s considered rude to laugh at drunks in Russia, so be quiet!). Then another hour to bribe your way free from the cop who’s waiting for you at the exit of that little dud’e hobbit house.

Russia’s beau monde

Visit the super-high-end Moscow club Rai (or "Paradise"), where Moscow’s rich and beautiful gather. Suffer the indignation of getting completely ignored by the strict elite face control, not to mention the other clubbers. Then lick your wounds, unwind a bit, and head to to Che, a Tex Mex bar/restaurant which also doubles as a happening middle-class party scene. There, you will also get ignored by face control, and ultimately denied. Finally, catch the metro to Vykhino and blow your last $100 in the Vulcan slot hall. What a night!

Time: 6 hours, but it will feel like 60.

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