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Club Review March 3, 2008
Top Of The World Clubbin'
Moscow From The Shadows To The 21st Floor By Dmitriy Babooshka Browse author
Page 2 of 2

I couldn't stand this party, which seemed like a Fabrika live performance, so I proposed that we escape to somewhere more classy and pleasant rather then Ten'.

Alexei understood my concerns about the Chinese hordes overrunning Russia, so he took me to check their new outpost at the edge of Novy Arbat, a place called Lotte Plaza.

I've seen a lot of movies about the rich decorations inside of Chinese Emperors' temples, so this ornate plaza didn't really surprise me. Its museum-like boutiques didn't impress me either, nor Alexei, but in general the interior decorations looked very rich. The one thing that surprised me was how Koreans put their strange dry foods at the entrance to their supermarkets, as if their dry foods are somehow on the same level as Russian elitny food from Azbuka Vkusa.

There were rows of shitty dried fish and seafood attracting Russian customers by the unusual look and smell. But I'm smart enough to see through their sly strategy. Smiling Korean (Chinese?) girls are trying to lure me away from buying my Russian kefir. Instead, they want me to buy their dried octopus or dried cuttlefish and to make soup with it. But I did it: I bought some dried shrimps. A few minutes later I realized that the stink of dried shrimps coming from the bag was unbearable.

Anyway, dried food is not the real reason to visit the Lotte Plaza. The glass elevator took us to the top floor in few seconds, and let us off at the bourgeois Kalina Bar on the 21st floor. The Koreans were smart enough to place a restaurant in such a strategic place. You can look down at all of our secret strategic buildings while sitting there pretending you're a regular customer. Like you can see all the satellite dishes on the Ministry for Defense or count all the Gazprom ads around Moscow.

The babe factor was very hot. Tables and tables packed with three-girls-and-a-bottle-of-champagne. Russia is a country of lonely hearts. Especially on St. Valentine's day.

A night spent in the company of auditors going wild tasting the wide selection of drinks was one of the best things I've ever observed. Sitting next to the window with such a spectacular view, feeling up the soft and juicy Larissa (still I didn't figure out what her "Transactory Advisor" title on her business card means), I felt like a king of the world. The Russian world, which is not as Russian as it used to be with all these dried shrimps in my bag, a Miller (not Zhigulevskoye) in my glass and desperate dyevs who burn their youth for American corporations. But when you are a king, these tiny details play no role. Pleasure is more important.

Club: Kalina Bar

Address: 8, Novinskiy Boulevard (Lotte Plaza, 21 floor).

Phone: 229-55-19

M: Smolenkaya

Hours: 11:00 – 06:00, daily

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Exterminate The Men : Honoring America’s Only Genuine Feminist

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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