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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sashas...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Shwarma Shuttle Expo This hopped-up "Kopeika" Lada shows off its rubber-burning power to an awed provincial audience...
May 11, 2008 in eXile TV

He Loves Me ... He Loves Me Not ... He Loves Me! Why does this woman wear her shiner...
May 1, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Top Traffic Cop Runs Over Woman
Mark Ames ( Email ) on February 12, 2008

Viktor Kiryanov: "Hey, it happens everyday."

As head of Russia's Department of Transport Safety in the Interior Ministry, Viktor Kiryanov is the country's top traffic cop, or "Glavnii Gaishnik." Given his title, it should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with Russia that yesterday afternoon, Kiryanov's Mercedes ran over a woman while she was crossing the street in central Moscow. It should also come as no surprise that according to the official account, it was all the pedestrian's fault for getting in the way of Kiryanov's Mercedes.

The head Gaishnik flattened the woman on Ulitsa Solyanka, just down the road from my house in a one-way street (wonder which way Kiryanov was going?). Ambulances were immediately called to the scene, but the woman's condition, or whereabouts, or is-she-alive-abouts, are still unknown. What is known is the statement released by the Department of Transport Safety's press secretary: "We're all participants in road travel and no one is immune to events taking place on the road, not even the head of the GIBDD [acronym for the traffic police department]."

According to, a witness on the scene said that Kiryanov's Mercedes ran a red and slammed right into the woman, who was walking in the crosswalk on a green light. The witness said that Kiryanov's car was traveling the wrong way down the one-way, a lane reserved only for trolleybuses, and that her body was tangled up in the rear of the Mercedes when he ran up to see what had happened. He described the woman as "seriously injured" and said her forehead was covered in blood.

In reply, the GIBDD's press spokeswoman, Alena Yaroschenko, shot back, "Why can't you consider the possibility that the pedestrian caused the accident?"

That's right, so the next time you're forced to cough up a bribe to the GAIshnik, just remember, they're only human, just like…well, not like you and me, but like other high-flying bureaucrats to whom the law doesn't apply (such as Deputy Prime Minister Sergei Ivanov's son Alexander, who did a few donuts on a 68-year-old babushka's body as she crossed the street, but as it turned out, legally it was her fault for dying in his axles!). Sure, it may be true that they're never at fault for any car accident, but just because a humble bureaucrat like Mr. Kiryanov isn't ever at fault for flat-caking some hapless pedestrian, it doesn't mean he's immune from the hassle of having to wash said babushka's blood off of his Mercedes grill, or picking her brains out from his U-joint. O, the humanity!

--Mark Ames

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscows Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywoods Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

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