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I assume that everyone is familiar with gasterbaitery-the Russian terminology for guest workers in this fair country. You know, Uzbeks. Anyway, some band called GASTERBAITERKA (July 21, Zhest, 22:00) is coming to town, and I'm assuming the name is ironic, although irony does not seem to be Russians' strong point. In any case, HELEN KURZHYAN sings folk/chanson/cabaret songs, and she apparently hails from Berlin. So, get it, she's a guest worker here? Whee.

A few years back, some Chechen terrorist bombed the KRYLYA FESTIVAL (July 21-22, Tushino Aerodrome, 12:00) but that hasn't stopped promoters; they've just been bringing steadily worse and more disposable acts, so that if something goes wrong, nobody's gonna miss them, or their fans. This year, in addition to a bunch of Russian bands you can see every weekend at 16 Tons, B2, Ikra or Tochka, foreigners you might not see every weekend are Ukraine's SUN SAY and France's SPOOKY JAM on the first day, with the UK's FUN-DA-MENTAL and NATALIE IMBRUGLIA, America's HAZMAT MODINE and France's PLEYMO on day two.

A free t-shirt to anyone that can name this band

I'm not supposed to write about this, since the club doesn't officially open til September, but fuck it: what's the point of publicizing a gig with flyers and on the internet if you don't want people to write about it? Is it supposed to be like a flashmob or something? Anyway, Philly's hottest DJ since JAZZY JEFF is DIPLO (July 21, Solyanka, 23:00) whose sets regularly include dirty south, crunk and Miami bass, as well as baile funk that he picked up while traveling Brazil. He'll be joined by Brazilians BONDE DO ROLE, a baile funk group with two dudes and a chick all rapping lyrics that would make 2 LIVE CREW blush. At least that's what they claim; since I don't speak Portuguese, I'll have to take their word.

Let me get this out of the way by saying that there is only one Welsh band I ever liked and it's not STEREOPHONICS (July 24, B1 Maximum, 20:00). For a decade they've been churning out unoffensive Britpop, the sort of stuff that wouldn't sound out of character at Krizis Zhanra on a Saturday night. So if you're tired of Krizis' door dudes not letting you in for some inexplicable reason, at least you know that if you are willing to buy a ticket, B1 will let you in.

Of course, the biggest dance event of the summer doesn't happen in Moscow, but I'd be remiss to not mention it, even if I don't care. Yes, FORT DANCE (July 21, Fort Alexander, St. Petersburg, 21:00) celebrates its eighth year with sets by ARMIN VAN BUUREN, ROGER SANCHEZ and HERNAN CATTANEO, among others. Tickets are so expensive that even Afisha, a dependable apologist for high prices, slams the party for having pricing tickets at three times what it cost to see the ROLLING STONES. That's what you get for wanting to bust a move with a superstar DJ.

Top Picks

Hed Kandi

Holyshitwaddayaknow? Rai's throwing another Hed Kandi party, where they'll be bringing in some Ibiza resident DJ named Jim Breese. Jim's taking the place of sick fellow Hed Kandi-er Lisa German, but that's OK, because he has a track called "Stereo Sushi" which will certainly go down better in this town than anything German. Breese plays electro-house, with eternally young vocal tracks, and nostalgic disco. Yeah baby! Immediately after spinning, Breese is getting on a plane and flying back to Ibiza to spin at Pacha and El Divino, so praise him that he is taking time out of his busy schedule to visit our little town.

Front Line Assembly

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