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Unfiled April 20, 2007
 
I Scratched Pasha Face-kontrolís Face!
 
 

For years now, Moscow's clubbers have suffered under the harsh authoritarian rule of Pasha Face-Kontrol, who lords over Moscow's elite clubbing scene with all of the arbitrariness and cruelty of a Byzantine despot. Er, that is, a very metrosexual Byzantine despot.

Recently, we caught up with mega-babe clubber Alyona, who goes by the name "Barbie," perhaps in part due to her long blond hair and perfect curves. Barbie nearly tore Pasha's eyes out in a now-infamous incident at Dyagilev club a few weeks ago. We believe that this incident is a good lesson to us all, and perhaps even the start of a revolution far more significant than the March of Dissenters.

Q: How long have you known who Pasha Face-Kontrol is?

A: Since I started clubbing in Moscow when I was 18.

Q: How old are you now?

A: 21.

Q: What was your view of him before this incident. Did you know him?

A: We were never friends, but we had mutual friends, so I never had problems getting into his places, he would always let me in. But I never looked up to him like he was some kind of god, the way everyone else, like some of my girlfriends who'd say, "Oh you know, I slept with Pasha last night!" In my opinion, he's just a server, like a waiter. He's a service provider, no more, no less.

Q: Why do people have an exalted view of him?

A: Because he's the guy who stands at the door that lets you into that glamorous life that everyone wants access to. He's the one who decides if you're going to be like a celebrity that night. So everyone wants to get to know him.

Q: Do you know anyone who's slept with Pasha Face-Kontrol?

A: I know a couple of people, but I don't want to name names.

Q: What do they say? Is he good in bed?

A: Some say no, but they only say that because he didn't call them the next day. Or because he forgot the name of the girl when she said hi to him.

Q: Wow, he's so damn cool. Now I idolize Pasha Face-Kontrol. Next question, the one everyone wants to know: what about the size of Pasha Face-Kontrol's dick?

[Answer deleted by the eXile's legal staff]

Q: How would you describe Pasha's fashion style.

A: He dresses in the casual-glamorous way--like it's cheap, but everything on him costs a fortune. I must admit, he dresses okay.

Q: How about his hair.

A: Hair? He looks like a dentist. I guess his parents are responsible for that. When he was in a hat, he looked better, but without the hat - dentist.

Q: So, tell me about the famous incident.

A: I was having fun in Dyagilev a couple of weeks ago, drinking shots of absinthe, dancing, when my brother arrived and called me from outside. So I went outside with my purse and cellphone, wearing a see-through top, to meet him and bring him back in. I saw him in the line, went out, grabbed him by the hand and led him to the front. My brother looked very good and stylish that night because I had just taken him shopping that day. As we were walking up the stairs, I passed Pasha, and he roughly hit my hand to separate me from my brother. Pasha said, "There's no way he's going in." And I was like, "No, you're letting him in, because he's with me." So I just didn't listen to Pasha and tried pulling my brother in, but Pasha kept pushing him away. It turned into a struggle.

Q: Isn't this a typical tactic, to try to split up groups at face control?

A: Yes, they love it. To humiliate you. The fewer they let in, the more people want in. Especially by dividing up a group of people who came together.


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