Mankind's only alternative 25   MAY.   22  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

The War Nerd May 19, 2006
Mexican Military Might!
By Gary Brecher Browse author Email
Page 3 of 3

SpeedyI mean Villaand his men were so cocky after jumping the 13th Cav that they took a rest stop at the town of Columbus, N.M.. It was quite a visit: they whooped it up on horseback shouting, "Kill da Gringos!" and burned the whole place to the ground, shot a couple dozen troopers and another dozen civvies, and made off with some chump change and all the whiskey their saddlebags could hold.

President Wilson was not happy. He called up the National Guard for border duty, just like Dubya just did, only Wilson actually meant itas shown by the fact that he called up 15,000 men to patrol the New Mexico sector of the borderlater he upped the number to 75,000whereas George wants us to believe that 6,000 men are going to cover the whole damn border.

Wilson also sent Black Jack Pershing into Mexico to get Villa. Now this was not a popular move among our southern neighbors, even the Villa-haters among them. You think PC warfare started in the Sixties? Nope; Wilson gave Pershing a whole book full of rules, like, "No using Mexican railways," that tied at least one of Pershing's hands behind his back.

Just like Nam, we had all the technical advantagesPershing had 5,000 men, including aircraft for recon and various early 20th-c. SUVs to drive through the desertbut the enemy was fighting on his home ground, with the locals on his side. So guess who won.

Yup: Villa made fools of the Gringos. Northern Mexico looks like Afghanistan, all gullies and ridges, perfect guerrilla country. Pershing's aircraft were hopeless failures; all six of them crashed within the first few months. Indian scouts led his men into blind gullies. Pershing was

so pissed off he cabled the President: "Villa is nowhere and everywhere."

The only guy who came out of it looking good was young George Patton, who realized intelligence was the key to fighting irregulars. On his own initiative, he tracked down one of Villa's top aides, then led a raid in civilian cars and clothes, blasting the aide's hacienda and bringing the guy's corpse back tied to the hood of Patton's Packard. Class will tell, like they say.

After months of frustration, Pershing's men did what conventional armies always do in these situations: started firing blind. In June 1916, they shot up a unit of the Mexican Army, which was supposed to be an ally in tracking down Villa, at a town called Carrizal. That didn't help much with winning the hearts and minds of the Mexicans. Besides, there was this little thing called WW I going on, and Wilson finally realized his troops would be more use on European battlefields than making fools of themselves in Mexico.

And Villa was making fools of them. In fact, Villa's men were so un-scared of the Yankee troops that all they did to disguise themselves was take off thei r trademark bandido ammunition belts. Once they did that, they were civvies again. Supposedly Villa's whole officer corps once attended a movie, incognito, with hundreds of 13th Cav troopers.

Now that, to me, is the whole point of the story: Gueros and Beaners, hunting and killing each other the way God intended, but in a spirit of fun.

I'm not saying all that crap about "Can't we all just get along?" I'm saying, "Can't we just do like los veteranos did and kick the shit out of each other with a smile, and take a break to watch a Tom Mix Western now and then?" I mean what's with this chickenshit stuff about heading out with a gun and picking off exhausted, desperate wetbacks as they cross the river? It's like those jerks who used to put firecrackers in cats' asses.

Somewhere out there in the desert skies, Pancho Villa and Black Jack Pershing are sharing a bottle of first-run brandy from Parral, looking down at us fretting over these little IHOP scuffles and laughing their battle-scarred faces off. If they could talk to us, they'd tell us what a black guy once said to me in a bar, when I was drunk and trying to act tough: "Aw, don't be so SERIOUS. I ain't SERIOUS. And if I was, you couldn't be SERIOUS enough for me."

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Gary Brecher
Browse author
Email Gary at, but, more importantly, buy his book.
Teenage Soldier
Field Guide To Moscow: Soldatus Malnutritius :

Slaves Of The Sadovoe Koltso :

Russia’s Most Wanted :

The Republican Guard :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442