Mankind's only alternative 1   DEC.   20  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog
MAIN  RUSSIA  WAR NERD   [SIC!]  BAR-DAK  THE VAULT  ABOUT US  RSS
 
 
EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Death Porn July 28, 2005
 
Spam! Bam! Thank You Vardan!
A Death Porn eXclusive By Mark Ames Browse author Email
 
 

Few murders are as widely celebrated as the recent bludgeoning death of Vardan Kushnir, the reviled director of the American Language Center in Moscow. As noted in many articles reporting on his murder, Kushnir was responsible for the most persistently annoying spamming campaign in Russia, which daily filled the inbox of every exile.ru email account with advertisements for his company's courses teaching conversational American English.

Initially, it was suggested that one of his many pissed-off spam-victims might have gone vigilante and done society a favor. But the truth of the murder -- at the hands a trio of sluts he met at the Hungry Duck last Saturday night, who slipped him a mickey in his drink -- shows that a very un-hi-tech obsession is what drove his life...and death.

"He liked to fuck whores in the ass, and not wear a condom, and then brag about it," said a former acquaintance who asked not to be identified. "And he did it all the time."

An angry Russian net geek composed this fake ad in honor of Kushnir

In another typical day in the office, the acquaintance recounted, "Kushnir came to work all bubbly and happy. He said, 'Let me show you something.' We went to his laptop, and he shows me this prostitute website. There, he shows me what's advertised as a 'mother-daughter' duo. Kushnir said to me, 'They're coming over tonight!' It was like his fantasy come true. Even though they probably weren't even a mother-daughter team, he wanted to believe it was true, so in his mind they really were."

Kushnir, described as a short, balding, unremarkable-looking 35-year-old ("the epitome of a loser," according to one), apparently had a Herculean appetite for sex. A former employee estimated that Kushnir probably raked in between seven and ten thousand dollars per month from the ALC, and that nearly all of it went to courting prostitutes and sluts, which left him little money to pay his teachers.

"It had to do with his priorities. Let's say if he owed one teacher 500 dollars, and another 1,000, and he just collected 1,000 that day. He wouldn't pay you all your money. He'd give you 50 bucks, whatever, give the other guy 50, then blow the rest on prostitutes. A lot of teachers just left. The others realized that you'll get paid somewhere down the line, you just had to be really persistent and tough on him, keep hitting him up for it over and over."

According to sources, Kushnir was an obsessive surfer of sex web sites, ICQ chats, online forums, and frequented sex clubs and slut-nests like the Hungry Duck. "He brought me to my first massage parlor," said one American.

He also recounted a story about how Kushnir met a pair of sisters seeking sex via an SMS forum on the cellphone. "The girls actually came over to his apartment, and they just met on this SMS thing. He wound up fucking one of them."

The same manic-obsessiveness drove his spamming strategy, which was actually no strategy at all. "It's not like all that spamming actually helped business," said a former employee. "He only did it because he was obsessed with it. He wanted to be somebody, to be recognized somehow. So he way overdid it."

Kushnir was also deeply devoted to Scientology, or at least his understanding of it, which he thought would give him "power" and "domination over people." All prospective employees were required to take a 400-question personality test which Kushnir took from a Scientology book. His hiring decisions were based on the dubious results of this test.

His life as an obsessive, spam-mad aferist wasn't confined to Russia. On April 23, 2001, the state of Kansas issued an "Emergency Cease and Desist Order" against Kushnir and his associate, Michael Walker, for spamming local residents to invest in the stock of a company, Sophim Inc. The stock was not registered, and neither Kushnir nor his associate, who at the time were living in Florida, were registered brokers.

As some suggested, the mass-spamming campaign for the ALC was really about getting known and respected. "His email is 'president@' whatever. He was a megalomaniac. All he wanted was people to know him."

Late last Saturday, Kushnir took three sluts from the Duck back to his apartment, a three-room which he shared with his mother (who had left at 7pm in order to let him bring some dyevs back) on Sadovaya-Karetnaya, near the Mayakovskaya metro station. But his big score went bad: the girls slipped a mickey in his drink. Sometime while they were cleaning out his apartment, he woke up. Ten blows to the head later, Kushnir was asleep forever, and the apartment was cleared of its valuables. His mother came home early Sunday morning and discovered his body. It's not known if the Duck sluts bludgeoned him, or if they brought some boys in to clean the apartment out, but we at the eXile want to believe that the girls did it all by themselves.

In his widely-reported death, Kushnir finally got what he wanted. "He's finally famous now," mused the acquaintance. "Everyone finally knows his name."

SHARE:  Del.icio.us  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Ames
Browse author
Email Mark Ames at editor@exile.ru.
 
 
FROM THE VAULT
Ofis Space
No Soul, No Vote :

Get Your Putin On! :

Moscow's Kino Kalendar : English Language Films

Be Cool, America. War??? Think it Over : War??? Think it Over
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442
E-mail: office@exile.ru