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Kino Korner April 1, 2004
Poison Grows In Stiller's Water
By Mark Ames Browse author Email
Page 3 of 3
The second funny part is when a sweaty, red, panting Hoffman approaches Stiller at a party -- Stiller has just met Aniston and is being repulsively likeable and "real" ... anyway, Hoffman, panting, says, "We've got to go."

Stiller: "Why? Can't you see -- "

Hoffman: "Now. It's an emergency. We have to leave now."

Stiller: "What...why?"

Hoffman: "I just sharted."

Stiller: "Sharted?"

Hoffman: "It's when you fart and some shit squirts out into your underwear. I sharted. We've got to go."

That's it, that's the movie.

But just in case you think it might be worth watching, let me tell you this. In the epiphany at the end, Stiller's dad tells the Hoffman character, to the accompaniment of a weepy piano soundtrack, and with Stiller looking on weepy-eyed, "It's not about what you did in the past or what you think'll happen in the future, it's about the ride, for chrissakes."

(How profound. Maybe that's why Bruce Westbrook wrote, in his review of the movie for The Houston Chronicle, "Though Polly packs ample comic punch, it also demonstrates that life isn't about the safe past or the uncertain future but the journeys we make each day.")

If you still want to see the movie after that, then consider this: Stiller gets Aniston at the end. Mwah-hah-hah.


Three Mark David Chapman stalker icons. Please, please, please buy a copy of Catcher in the Rye, or even Generation X, and kill Ben Stiller now!

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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