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Club Review July 24, 2003
 
Buns Unplugged
By Jeremy Lanow Browse author
 
 

I'm the guy who was Buns McGillicuddy last Saturday night.

Friday night was an embarrassment. I got as dressed up as possible for me - which means my shirt had buttons - and was still turned away from Club Che and the demokratichniy Karma Bar. That was life for me nightclubbing as myself, Jeremy.

The first club I visited as Buns on Saturday was Shambala. The manager there was kind enough to show me around the different parts of the club. The large dance floor was packed with beautiful young Russians dancing to house music. Off to the side is a bar for a quick refreshment break. There is also a quiet chill-out room upstairs. I was then taken to the VIP room - a small blocked off-section with a few tables and sofas. My crew and I were given complementary drinks and were left alone to enjoy the atmosphere. The techno music filled the VIP room, which made it difficult to converse (through a translator) with my adoring "fans." This room is nice for those who like to go to clubs but do not necessarily want to dance, though I'm not sure how easy it is to get a room like this without being an American Superstar or a member of the Zolotaya Molodezh.

I was whisked away in the Mercedes to another part of town and a club called First - the hardest club in Moscow to get into these days. I was taken in ahead of a long line of good looking young Russians pleading their cases to the bouncers.

First is basically a giant white tent covering an enormous dance floor surrounded by tables. Once again we were sat down at a table in the corner and given drinks and a hookah. My two models, Lena and Ksenia, were tired of sitting around so we danced for a while beside our table as the photojournalist snapped pictures of us.

After a while a slim young Russian woman with a sculpted body and a busted face started to get friendly with me. She didn't know English but kept repeating to me with a thick accent, "I love you soooo much." I got her a drink and tried to get to know her. She was not interested in speaking through the translator and continued professing her love. I grew tired of this and stepped out of character for a moment and told her that I spoke Russian. The first thing she told me was that she wanted to fuck: "Ya hochu trahatsya!" Which was quickly followed by, "for $300." After I refused, she pleaded, "Today is my birthday and for $300 I could by a cute little skirt." I wished her a happy birthday and went back to Lena and Ksenia who were good sports about it.

The final club on our tour was Tseppelin - a favorite of Denis Salnikov. The most interesting thing about this place was the glass-encased women on display as you walk up the stairs. They don't do anything in there. There's no stripping or dancing. But, if you look at one of them long enough, they'll wave at you.

At this point, the hype and excitement of being Buns was wearing thin and people were tired and ready to go home. While leaving Tseppelin I realized something: I don't like going to clubs (and these elite ones are no different). What's the point of going to a place where a glass of juice costs 600R and the dance floor is so packed that you can just manage to sway back and forth a couple centimeters?

Buns will make one more appearance at the record release after party, where we'll be giving away 100 free copies of his new single and video clip, "Touch My Buns." But after that, he's retired.

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