Mankind's only alternative 1   DEC.   20  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS
MAIN  RUSSIA  WAR NERD   [SIC!]  BAR-DAK  THE VAULT  ABOUT US  RSS
 
 
EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Kino Korner June 26, 2003
 
Hulk Shoulda Stomped The Festival
By Mark Ames Browse author Email
 
 

THE STROLL

Every day more shit happens in Russia than in the rest of the Northern Hemisphere combined. So what does a talented Russian filmmaker like Alexei Uchitel do? The same thing that nearly every other Russian filmmaker does: make a highly-stylized Eurofag movie which centers on a love triangle. A love triangle! Why, blow me down! Ya mean like the love triangle in Kukushka, or every goddamn European movie since they decided that film was Art?

Well, no, not exactly. In THE STROLL's case, we're offered a love triangle-plus: a love trapezoid involving three men and one Russian wench. Now that's what I call clever!

The fact that it's well-filmed and well-acted only makes it even more enraging. All the talent and energy invested into The Stroll made with one design: to try to prove to Westerners that Russians aren't barbarians. They're fighting a battle that Russian literature already resolved with Gogol: Russians are barbarians, and that's why they're more interestnig than their dead European neighbors. Groveling to them would be like groveling to old golfers. What's the payoff? Add to this the shameless sucking-up-to-the-state by staging the film all over central St. Petersburg on the anniversary, and what you've got is one heck of a Putin-era piece of neo-Soviet shite.

The movie features at its center a KaMaZ-thick lead actress with buoy-shaped tits who is supposed to be "beautiful," I suppose because she's as fat as your average Western chick. She gets picked up on on the street by one of those insufferably vesyoly parnie -- you know the type, sunglasses on the head, slightly fashionable, never shuts up, full of energy and cheap witticisms. She's even worse: capricious, pseudo-profound like a bad Dostoevsky heroine with a Tseppelin club card, your typically lazy, spoiled sterva who hates mornings and hates the metro. They're joined by the third segment of the love trapezoid, whose role is that he's strong-willed and sees through all her bullshit. Meanwhile, I'm asking myself, "Don't these assholes have jobs? I work for a living, and there they are, running around town with this blond diesel truck who clearly isn't going to put out!" The only character who was tolerable was her twice-her-age sponsor/husband, some Jew who, thankfully, really didn't give a shit about her dumb melodramas and caprices. God that was a relief, after spending two hours with those insufferable "post-Communist" Russian assholes. If this is what freedom is doing to the Russian soul, then I gotta say, this movie made a National-Bolshevik of me.

The Stroll was the premiere movie in the Moscow Film Festival Competition and judging by the audience's approving reaction, it's got a strong chance of winning. It was the first and only movie in the film festival that I saw, despite the hell I went through getting accredited. Believe me, when it comes to getting accredited to C-list star-studded events, you should see the way journalists tear at each other for those goddamn press passes. I'm ashamed of myself for having participated. The rest of the films looked even worse, except maybe a Brit film in which Tim Roth plays Cromwell.

May I never go to another film festival again.

RATING:

Koko talking gorillaKoko talking gorillaKoko talking gorilla

Three Koko the talking gorillas. Uchitel thinks he's made a film that will present Russians as just like all civilized Europeans. Russian film isn't a total waste -- The Thief was fantastic, and the two Brat movies were decent in their own right. But they'd do better to stop trying to be like dead Europeans and more like death porn Russians. If their writers can do it, why can't the film makers?

THE INCREDIBLE HULK


SHARE:  Del.icio.us  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Ames
Browse author
Email Mark Ames at editor@exile.ru.
 
 
FROM THE VAULT
Body Outline
My First Russian Corpse : A Bum, A Bill, And A Body
Nizhny Tagil Sex Slaves
Russia's Sex Slave Graveyard : Over the Urals and through the woods to the mother of all Russian crime stories
ComiX
Get Your Putin On :

Moscow Land Grab! :
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442
E-mail: office@exile.ru