Mankind's only alternative 11   DEC.   17  
Mankind's only alternative
Welcome
MAIN  RUSSIA  WAR NERD   [SIC!]  BAR-DAK  THE VAULT  ABOUT US  RSS
 
 
EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

The War Nerd September 19, 2002
 
Future War: Hi-Tech Toys vs. Fanged Vermin
By Gary Brecher Browse author Email
 
 

They asked me to think about how war would change over the next 150 years for the eXile's anniversary issue. Weird to think about it: wars going on when you're dead. My doctor told me it's maybe 15 more years for me...I've got every cardiovascular symptom you get when you're fat and bitter and pretty much hate life. So whatever happens, I won't have to worry. I kinda like that. It'd be nice to think that all you fuckers'll just wipe each other out. Serve you all right.

More expensive bluff stuff rusting in the rain

More expensive bluff stuff
rusting in the rain

But you're in luck, all you thin healthy smiley bastards: I don't think it'll happen like that. It's going to be weirder, slower, and a lot less Star-Wars-ey than people think.

It's easy to get all excited about blasters, space battles, lasers and all that Luke Skywalker stuff. But my job is to give you my best guess on what's really gonna happen. And you know, I'm not even sure war will survive. War seems too good for people like you: you beach volleyball people. You've made getting healthy and thin a religion, so why would you want war? Well, one thing: it won't be the cool sci-fi war you like to think about, you saving Carrie Fisher from Jabba with your Jedi mind crap....

Spacewar -- Killer satellites, orbital lasers...won't happen. Nothing but lame NASA fundraising ideas, cooked up by corrupt lobbyists and corporations that make a living off the federal budget. Never convinced anybody this side of Newsweek. 150 years from now there'll be nobody on the moon, nobody on Mars -- just some fragile, expensive tools floating up there, not worth blasting, far too expensive to risk.

Down here, everything will go on getting smaller and smarter, like a math class full of Chinese transfers. It's easy to come up with a future war scenario based on that steady tech advance: no more manned fighters, for example. Lots of RPVs, doing everything from surveillance to ground attack. That's not really even futuristic; the Israelis have been doing it that way since they used RPVs to help destroy the Syrian AF in three days in 1982 without losing a single plane.

The damn things worked so well for the IDF that the USAF finally got dragged along. By now we can keep a Predator RPV hovering week after week, waiting for a target. When they finally persuaded the USAF to give the Predator RPVs a chance in Afghanistan, they had to admit the damn things worked even better than their advocates were promising. They're amazing: too small to spot, damned hard to shoot down, and cheap enough that we don't lose much even if it does get hit. And you know the best thing about RPVs? They don't react to torture. No pilot to go on Iraqi TV looking like Jake LaMotta after twelve rounds with Sugar Ray Robinson and start apologizing for disturbing Baghdaders' beauty sleep.

The trouble with this nice clean automated-war scenario is that nobody wants to play with us. The US can play that game, but who else can? The Israelis? They're the only real combat-tested RPV-using army. And if it came to a US vs. Israel war, let's face it: the US Congress would back Israel all the way, and the US'd have to surrender before a shot was fired.

Try plugging the hi-tech, RPV-heavy war plan to a more even-sided war: say, an all-out struggle for world domination between the US and China ten years from now. The first thing you realize is that it'll come down to production rates. You're gonna lose a lot of hardware in a hurry. Like aircraft in the early days of WW I, RPVs will go from surveillance to attack, and that will lead to interceptor models designed to destroy enemy RPVs. There'll be unmanned dogfights, and since these things are easy to make, the dogfights will be unbelievably massive, maybe hundreds of thousands of individual combats in the sky over the battlefield. It comes down to our factories vs. theirs. If you can replace it faster than they do, maybe you win. It'll all be as harmless as a nerd picnic on the school field Saturday afternoon, with the Asian kids and the pasty white kids each piloting their little remote-controlled MiG's and F-16s and arguing about who killed who, then going off for pizza.


SHARE:  Del.icio.us  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Gary Brecher
Browse author
Email Gary at war_nerd@exile.ru, but, more importantly, buy his book.
 
 
FROM THE VAULT

GO!-ing, Go!ne: Freedom of Speech is Finished : by Kim Murphy

Frey's Fall : Some Sad Lessons
The Okhranik
Field Guide To Moscow: Aequoris Capitus :

Backstabbers! : America's Vichy Left vs. Michael Moore
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442
E-mail: office@exile.ru