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Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Unfiled July 26, 2002
Nipple Safari

Moscow's in the midst of another record-breaking heat wave, and nipples have been blooming all over town! As this year has proven to be especially bra-less, many formerly unknown shapes and sizes have appeared in the local fauna. In past years, the eXile has focused on the bulging camel toe and the ever-popular shorn snapper. This year, however, Moscow's dyevs are showing off their nipples like never before In order to facilitate amateur nipple watchers, we've recruited several leading niptologists from around the globe to assemble an accessible guide to this summer's new varieties of nipple, from the rare to the common, the massive to the eraser-like. We hope our Nipplanomicon will help U determine not only what that bud means, but also how it might taste if U were to bite it off!

Handfillerus Mediumus

These are the nipples you see on the street, and you just wanna grab 'em!

  • Habitat: Everywhere
  • Taste: African student cum

Rackius Serious

This is a poisonous nipple that we urge our readers not to feed or touch. It usually has a mate nearby ready to tear your head off and vomit down your neck.

  • Habitat: Inside of German cars
  • Taste: n/a

Perkius Androgynous

Large dark-spot circumference

  • Habitat: Lower altitudes
  • Taste: Yummie

Pimplus Prepubescentus

This sprightly little bugger, also known as the "Pipple," responds to ice cream.

  • Habitat: Manezh near the fountain
  • Taste: like Hello Kitty perfume

Startingus Saggius

Not every nipple pokes you in the eye! This one has a short life span before the bra goes on.

  • Habitat: Muzei, Pyramid
  • Taste: Lactilicious

Siliconus perfectus

Easily recognized by its perfect, not-of-this-earth symmetry.

  • Habitat: Spearmint Rhino
  • Taste: Michelin tire treads

Nipplus Minimus

A common breed of nipple often accompanied by a budding, potentially large rack.

  • Habitat: Park Ave. Disco
  • Taste: Smetana

Thrustus Maximus

This nipple is often hard for the untrained eye to see.

  • Habitat: Justo
  • Taste: Slightly fruity bouquet

Papajohnus Foreverus

Similar to Gremlins: only reaches full maturity when doused in water.

  • Habitat: Cramped, smelly places without air conditioning
  • Taste: Like some Russian guy's rank saliva
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Art Director
Field Guide To Moscow: Pafus Maximus :
Restaurant Review
2-in-1 Restauarant Review: Starlite & Eat and Talk :

Stranger in a Strange Land : By Asya Passinsky

The Ghosts of 9 / 11 : an out-of-this-world eXile exclusive!


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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