Mankind's only alternative 1   DEC.   20  
Mankind's only alternative
Welcome
MAIN  RUSSIA  WAR NERD   [SIC!]  BAR-DAK  THE VAULT  ABOUT US  RSS
 
 
EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Moscow Babylon May 16, 2002
 
Dyev Endurance Journalism
By Mark Ames Browse author Email
 
 

I got the idea for the dyev-endurance contest from Olya. We were together for the third day in one week. That's a lot of time for me to spend with a female in such a short period. I want to repeat that: three (3) days in one (1) week with the same woman. More than I am capable of.

from hell to paradise
- AN EXILE CONTEST!

Ames holding undressed girl

HEY, DEVUSHKI! SURVIVE TWO WEEKS WITH AMES...

And WIN WIN WIN a free trip to Sochi!

That's right, girls! The eXile is holding a once in a lifetime contest. Following hard on the heels of the success of Za Steklom, we're inviting any able-bodied female Russian citizen from the age of 16 to 26 to spend 2 weeks living at Mark Ames' apartment. That's right: eat, sleep, shave and shit with the eXile's own hairy-backed editor! If U manage to avoid getting murdered, U win a free ticket to Russia's favorite tropical paradise. Sunny Sochi! The Jewel of Eurasia!

THIS IS NO JOKE!

You must be a female Russian citizen, age 16-26, willing to spend two weeks living with Mark Ames in his apartment. You are not obligated to cook, clean or walk the streets to pay rent, though he may attempt to persuade you to do so. Don't worry about sleeping in the same bed with Ames -- he's been impotent for years now. He just wants to spoon. Note: Girls who have slept with Ames already are automatically disqualified, as their chances of survival are too low to make this a fair contest.

IS IT WORTH IT, GIRLS? Does the Patriarch shit in the woods? Girls, if Sochi doesn't sound like paradise to you, then you should get your thingies checked!

HERE'S HOW TO ENTER!

Send by mail, fax or email a photo with your name, age, height, weight and a brief description of your most annoying chyorti kharaktera. The more annoying U are, the better your chance of being chosen. Make sure you let us know how to contact you. Then prepare for the worst 2 weeks of your life... and a

FREE ROUND-TRIP TICKET TO PARADISE!

FAX: 245-1415 (subject "Contest")

Email: editor@exile.ru (subject "Contest")

Snail Mail: The eXile Contest Department, Zubovsky Proezd 2/2, Kv. 21, Moscow, Russia, 119021

Phone: 795-3376

WHO WILL BE THE LUCKY GIRL? WILL AMES DEFENESTRATE HER BEFORE SHE EARNS HER TICKET TO SOCHI? Two weeks is a long time! ANYTHING, EVEN AN ACCIDENT, CAN HAPPEN! Stay tuned to the eXile for details!...

I was trying to be nice. It was Olya's birthday. I did everything I could to suppress the little voice that told me to flee from her the minute she appeared at my door...

She saw right away that I wanted to be left alone. That physical contact made me shudder. So she pressed the advantage. She threw herself at me in a way she'd never done before. To her credit, she made me pay.

"Let's fuck right now," she said, sitting on me after I fled to my computer, anything to transport myself to a happy place. Wherever I moved my face -- she followed it with her lips, holding the back of my neck.

"I want you so, so badly, Mark." Her breath was warm.

I didn't take her come-on as a compliment -- on the contrary, I KNOW that women always try to torture men at moments like this. It's not that they get insecure when they sense you don't want to be with them, and therefore, out of a need for reassurance, they come on stronger to you. No, that's the bleeding-heart, fool's theory. Women are much more clever than that. They see you don't want to be with them... so they torture you. That's all there is to it. There's not a lot of profound, layered meaning to their actions.

"I'm so horny right now, Mark," Olya said. "Let's fuck, please." She started kissing me, with what seemed like two or three large tongues at once. Tongues seemed to sprout out of the back of her head, out of the tips of her fingers. I finally had to push her off of my chair, but just as I reached out to choke her, I remembered, "It's her birthday. I have to be nice to her."


SHARE:  Del.icio.us  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Ames
Browse author
Email Mark Ames at editor@exile.ru.
 
 
FROM THE VAULT
$$$
Separated At Worth :

Bribe to Live, Live to Bribe : An eXile guide to who costs what in Putin's Russia

Bleak House :

EXILE magazine's Person of the Year : When Mini Means Maximum Success
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442
E-mail: office@exile.ru