Mankind's only alternative 21   JUL.   19  
Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Unfiled November 29, 2001
Go Ride a Bathyscaph
By Mark Ames Browse author Email
Page 3 of 3
Uh, actually, yeah, I am.

"Yeah what? A bathyscaph is a 'yeah'?"

No, a bathyscaph is this small submarine-like thing that you use to go down in the ocean.


Deep down, and look at things on the ocean floor.

"And then you blow it up, right?"

No. You just look at things. And then you go back up.

"Well that sounds pretty stupid. Hey, Omar, here's an idea! Let's build a big bomb, but instead of using it to crush the infidels, we'll just all hop in, drop down into the water, ride around, then float back up. How does that suit you!"

"What are you doing here, man? Go away! Let us finish this damn thing!"

The plot was starting to fail, so I came down to see if I could fix it.

"He came to take our helicopter wheel, man. Don't trust him!"

"That helicopter wheel is ours! Possession is nine-tenths, man!"

No, I'm trying to fix the story. It's not working. It started off okay, then you guys just lost it.

"Oh, so it's our fault. Blame the victim, man."

"This is Afghanistan, man. Graveyard of comedy. Didn't you know?"

"Your infidel humor will collapse like a house of cards, man!"

I know, I realize that. I'm looking for a face-saving withdrawal. Any ideas?

"Yeah, go ride a bathyscaph!"

Very funny. How's this for a joke. It's the year 2020 and grandpa takes his grandson to New York, to the site of the World Trade Center. He explains how this was once the site of the Twin Towers. "Grandpa?" the boy asks in all innocence. "What were the Twin Towers?" The grandpa explains that the Twin Towers were two 110-story office buildings that used to be the tallest in New York before the Arabs destroyed them. Then the boy, in all innocence, asks, "Grandpa, what are Arabs?"

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Browse author
Email Mark Ames at
An Letter To Putin From Moscow's Foreign Press Corps :

Moscow Nitelife Roundup :

Medvedev Math: Presidential Conversion Table :
Jared, The Fortnight Spin
The Fortnight Spin :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442