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[SIC!] July 12, 2001
 
Your Letters
 
 
E-mail us: editor@exile.ru

LA TRIQUE

Is there any way I could get a hardcopy of the Exile? Has there been any more talk of starting an Exile based out of D.C.? Thanks for your time,

Jim

Tr?s cher Jim,

Il nous parait que le livre d'eXile :Sexe, Drogue et Calomnie dans la NOVO-Russie est la seule fa?on pour d'obtenir une copie"en dur" d'eXile. Sinon, vous pouvez essayer le Viagra.

INSULT? PAR UN ANE

Sir,

You are one whiney fuck

Jesus, no wonder nobody liked you in the states. We have a word for people like you in the U.S., it is 'homo'. Drop the superior tone and think about the guy (me) that is slamming his cock into your sister's ass as your mom licks the drippings up, while you are being an achey-breaky-vagina in the land of the slavs (half-monkeys). You are also a monkey, an annoying and whiney monkey. You are Irish, so you are a full monkey, congrats!

Warmest regards,

JH

JGH000@aol.com

Tr?s cher M. H,

Nous avons aussi un mot pour les gens comme vous en France: c'est "pedzouille."

BINOCLARD AVEC UNE COLLECTION DE DISQUES

To Whoever is Reading This... Check out this article I wrote...

If you like it you can put it in your paper, If you hate it you can put it in there too...

If you really like it, perhaps you would like me to write more when I move to Moscow in October, I'll be playing in the jungles of Ecuador for the next three months and won't have computer access.

Article is attached,

draylin jae / dj enzymatic

Tr?s cher M. Jae/DJ Enzymatic,

Apr?s avoir jet? un coup d'?il ? votre enzymatique excr?mentation nous avons d?cid? que vos visions ? l'orthographe ?nigmatique conviennent mieux au jungles d'?quateur qu'aux rues de Moscou.

GOYAL SORT DU PLACARD DE NAPOL?ON

Dear Sirs:

My name is Vijay Gartnuc. I run a chain of men's clothing stores called Wallaby Station, we sell apparel for shorter men. We also own a subsidiary in Michigan called Napolean's Closet. I am planning on opening up 2 stores in Moscow within the next three months and I'm interested in advertising. I'd like to have members of your staff at our grand openings if possible. My feeling is that, your publication is read by short, embittered expatriates who might be good customers for me. Of course we would prefer a short member of your staff for the grand opening, but we could settle for Mark or Matt also. Perhaps Jake Rudnitsky would be short enough to fit the bill. If you could also provide us with any demographics on your readers- specifically how tall they are, that would be great. Right now, I'm in Islamabad for my father's funeral but I should be in Russia within two weeks assuming my wife's visa comes through. In the meantime, please send me your rates and let me know about possible appearances by your staff. Yours-

Vijay T. Gartnuc

Chairman: Wallaby Station/Napolean's Closet

Tr?s cher M. Gartnuc:

Veuillez accepter nos plus sinc?res condol?ances pour la mort (pr?matur?e) de votre p?re bien-aim?. Nous serions tr?s heureux de vous compter parmi nos annonceurs, n?anmoins. Nos tarifs sont les suivants:

{un encart publicitaire fait 1/30 d'une page de journal A4: approximativement 5 cm sur 6 cm}

1 encart: 125$; 2 encarts: 250$; 4 encarts: 500$; 8 encarts: 1000$; 10 encarts:1250 $; 1/2 page: 1875 $; pleine page 3750 $. Les contractants ? long terme b?n?ficient de r?ductions g?n?reuses.

En ce qui concerne les apparitions individuelles, nous demandons en principe un d?lai de six mois, mais en raison de la nature particul?rement intriguante de votre proposition nous sommes pr?ts ? la prendre en consid?ration. Les apparitions personnelles de nos r?dacteurs sont tarif?es en fonction de leur taille... voir la liste ci-dessous:

Mark Ames, 1m 92 3000 $ de l'heure; Matt Taibi, 1m 89: 2200 $; Kevin Mc Elwee, 1m83: 1500 $; Jake Rudnistsky, 1m 73: 1000 $. Cependant, notre gar?on de courses John Heisel (Im 76) est disponible ? des tarifs beaucoup plus modestes. Est-il besoin de le pr?ciser chacun des membres de notre ?quipe aura ses propres modifications ? apporter au contrat qui devront ?tre n?goci?es au cas par cas.

En remerciant de vous int?resser ? notre magazine

Dimitri Kimmelman (1m 90)

R?gie publicitaire

P.S. Vous devriez peut-?tre prendre contact avec le dirigeant d'Independant Media, Derk Sauer, qui d'apr?s ce que savons est ? la fois de tr?s petite taille et fauch? comme les bl?s!


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