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Editorial February 13, 2008
 
Anne Applebaum On Capitalism And Russian Beauty
Blyadi and the East By Anne Applebaum Browse author
 
Page 2 of 2
 

Something about this talk of open markets had my Old Russia Hand friend whinnying and salivating, and he couldn't wait to taste the free market benefits for himself. Without even letting me finish, he was out of his chair and bargaining with one of the London hotel lobby Ukrainian whores--that's right, "bargaining!" What better expression of the free market than bargaining!

Ah yes, we all have free markets to thank for our idyllic state of female beauty today, whether in England or Russia, and don't forget it.

I optimistically ended my last column by noting that you'll soon have the free markets to thank for other things as well, like the future-Ukrainian doctors who will cure your cancer, and future-Polish stockbrokers who will make you a fortune. Unfortunately you'll have to wait a bit more for that inevitable utopian moment, as today's free market Ukrainian doctors (or what's left of them since most abandoned the profession in the 1990s when their salaries dropped to levels that would make a Delhi street urchin laugh in their faces) demand bribes for treating everything from a sore throat to a severed artery, and in fact what's left of today's Ukrainian doctors is a mob of quacks so dangerously incompetent they couldn't diagnose a pregnancy from a bee sting, even if a tiny screaming head plopped out of a woman's dilated vulva, thrashing about for air and spitting afterbirth on the Ukrainian doctor's face.

Meanwhile, personal experience tells me that you would better trust your cash with a Hunter's Point crackhead than with a Polish stockbroker.

But that will soon change. Patience, everyone. It's only been twenty years since the markets were opened. It may take another 20 years, or 20 decades, before free markets create East Europeans who offer Westerners something besides whores. In the meantime, what's the rush?

Just ask my old Russia hand friend. His old hand has gone from spending years in his lap to 200 dollar sessions on young Moldovan girls' orifices, and he would be the first to say that it's never been a happier hand.

Anne Applebaum is a columnist for the Washington Post. She contributed this special column to The eXile.


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