Mankind's only alternative 28   JUN.   17  
Mankind's only alternative
Welcome
MAIN  RUSSIA  WAR NERD   [SIC!]  BAR-DAK  THE VAULT  ABOUT US  RSS
 
 
EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

The War Nerd November 19, 2007
 
Da Kurds: Boo Hoo Who?
Why Kurdistan is not a nation and never will be By Gary Brecher Browse author Email
 
The Kurdish "Nation": An easy peanut to crack
 

I got a lot of grumpy readers who want a column on the Kurdish-Turkish skirmishes in Northern Iraq, pronto. A lot of them were pissed off at my last column gloating about the Malibu fires. I guess I'm only supposed to glorify this violent shit if it happens outside California. Well, too bad, fellas. Maybe you weren't one of those kids who always cheered for the flood vs. the dam, the wildfire vs. the water-bombers, and Ebola vs. those interfering French "doctors without frontiers," but I was and still am. People get the wrong idea about me, like I'm actually a cuddly puppy growling at the sofa. But I mean every damn word of it, and that goes for Malibu every bit as much as Mali. Sure, I have sentimental favorites, but not many any more. And I try to be fair about it. If you were to say, "So Gary, would you be just as happy to see Fresno burn as Malibu?" I'd say, "Sir or Madam, Your Honor, that is what I dream about every night on my commute." Hook me up to a polygraph and you'll see nothing but a little smiley-face on the graph when the notion of Fresno burning comes up. Hitler asked, "Is Paris burning?" My question is, "Why not Fresno?"

But fine then, ya pussies, we'll go back to nice safe overseas chaos'n'violence, take a slow Predator tour of Kurdistan and zoom in on what little gore there is to highlight. See, that's the first thing to keep in mind: this is classic low-intensity warfare, and if you're hoping it'll build up to a nice big poppable zit of a battle, forget it. Nobody wants that except us frustrated war watchers, and you'd think by now, after 60 years of this chronic-fatigue warfare, we'd face facts. But we're all--and I admit I feel it too--we're all hoping for something a little more Stalingrad, a decisive campaign with winners and losers.

I guarantee a lot of you won't like the story here, because it's the same old thing: combat itself is trivial in this kind of war, casualties are insignificant (unless you're one of them) and military genius, it don't mean shit. This is one of those annoying "wars" that are just about everything EXCEPT combat, everything from the difference between a language and a dialect to the whole notion of being something called a "Kurd."

Could you draw a map of Kurdistan? Basically it's a peanut-shaped footprint across SE Turkey, Northern Iraq and a patch of western Iran. But it's not on any world map, because the Kurds, like the Tibetans and the Tuareg, are stuck in the Hell of the Landlocked Tribes, a seriously bad Hell when countries are mostly defined by their chunk of coastline. There are 25 million Kurds just festering in that peanut, but they don't have their own country and never will unless a new Woodrow Wilson comes along and gives the world another shaken-not-stirred roll of the liar's dice like Woody did in 1919. We get a lot of our dumbest ideas from that fine Presbyterian gentleman, but Wilson would've been better off sticking to showing off his stiff collars as president of Princeton instead of doing his Jurassic Jimmy Carter routine by playing Sir Noble Knight defending "the rights of small nations." The right of small nations is to duck, shuck and say "Yessuh." That's about it. That's how they survive. Small nations that can fight for their rights usually keep going past the tribal borders till they're stomping on the rights of other small nations that can't back their "rights" up with guns.

Prussia would be the classic example here, and it's more relevant to the Kurdish example than you'd think. When we think "Prussian" we think German officers with monocles and an attitude problem, but there were other Prussians living there first. They spoke something called "Old Prussian" that wasn't even German-based. It was related to Lithuanian, and as far as I can tell, Lithuanian is related to the Language of the Flowers or Proto-Gnome or Paleo-Sanskrit in a fur coat or something like that.


SHARE:  Del.icio.us  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Gary Brecher
Browse author
Email Gary at war_nerd@exile.ru, but, more importantly, buy his book.
 
 
FROM THE VAULT

Moscow Land Grab! :

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops : Courtesy of Sergey the Tweeker

The Meta-Metamorphosis : By DJ FrAnZ KaFkA

Jesus Ate Their Brains! :
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442
E-mail: office@exile.ru