Mankind's only alternative 2   FEB.   23  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

The Cold War Report November 19, 2007
Edward Lucas' Cold War Hustle
By Alexander Zaitchik Browse author Email

"Ed is known at the paper, as even he would admit, as a bit of a loon.”

       —Anonymous Economist Correspondent

If you’re reading this from the apparent safety of your Western country, then the Economist’s Edward Lucas has bad news for you: You are not safe. Vladimir Putin is on the verge of conquering and enslaving you. Your nation is under attack by the full might of Russia’s petro-fascism, and what’s worse, the game is just about up. We’re in Saigon, 1975, and we don’t have any room for retreat when the barbarians come crashing through the gates.

The fact that you are unaware of your impending doom is, according to Lucas, the scariest thing of all, part of Putin’s brilliantly evil stealth strategy—part Sun Tzu, part Wermacht. But there’s hope: if you buy Edward Lucas’ new book, The New Cold War: How the Kremlin Menaces Both Russia and the West, you might be able to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. The promo for the book makes no bones about it: if you read it, you’ll discover “Why we are perilously close to defeat—and how we can still win.”

If you value your freedom, then you know what you have to do.

There’s only one problem. Edward Lucas’ book won’t be released until next February. That’s four months from now. Can the West hold on that long? Should we consider waterboarding him for the info? 

The man; the book.

According to Lucas’ harrowing narrative—laid out in different degrees in the Times of London, the Economist, his personal blog, and, coming soon, his book—Cold War II began alternatively either with last year’s unsolved murder of Alexander Litvinenko or with the 2003 arrest of oil oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky, and it will be settled in the battle over the tiny Caucasian state of Georgia. There is more to it than that, of course, but those are the marketing bookends.

For Lucas and the New Cold Warriors, the crimes committed by a resurgent Russia—real and imagined—warrant a return to policies and attitudes reminiscent of the most expensive and dangerous conflict in world history; a conflict we all survived with a lot more luck than most of us realize, luck that’s unlikely to be repeated in the upcoming remake. At a time when the world needs urgently to start reversing the nuclear trend-lines, the New Cold Warriors want a return to the confrontation that gave us the thousands of thermonuclear weapons now sitting so patiently on hair-triggers.

Since the first Cold War is supposed to be a thankfully closed book, convincing people to get a new one going is a tricky sell. Lucas’ solution is to borrow the neo-Churchill trick used by Washington’s neocons. As he explained in an Oct. 13, 2006, Times op-ed, Georgia is more than just the New Cold War’s Berlin—it is also its Munich. Translated into Team America’s multiplication table, that means that the New Cold War = the Old Cold War x World War II. Scared yet?

“Names like Abkhazia [Georgia] may sound unfamiliar, but the Sudetenland, and before that Sarajevo, once sounded preposterously far away and unimportant to Western ears,” explains Lucas, invoking two world wars and threatening a third in a single idiotic sentence.

Recent events—combined with his less Russophobic foreign editor at the Economist—have forced Lucas to back off the idea that the Kremlin is solely to blame for unrest in Georgia. But it took the spectacular explosion of the Saakashvilii good-boy myth for Lucas to stop hyping the massive stakes of defending his pro-NATO government. As Lucas explained in his apocalyptic Times op-ed:

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Browse author
Alexander Zaitchik is an editor at The eXile. Email him at

Shwarma Shuttle Of The Week :

This Wine & Cheese Bar is Wine-o-mite! : VinoSyr blows up the wine bar competition.

The Year in Celebutards: 2007 :
Death Porn
Death Porn: Hog-tied For The Holidays :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442