Our editorial-reader covenant here at The eXile has always been summed up by our motto: "Read us, because we're way fucking smarter than you." Running a business model based on this cutting-edge theory has, oddly enough, led to us always being right, and yet remaining oddly poor. But we don't mind being poor, because being more right than you is its own reward. That, and the opportunity to shameless gloat about our rightness and your wrongness. After all, anyone can get rich, but not everyone can be as right as we are. Or as we like to say around our offices, "You can't buy gloating rights."
Well, okay, actually you can buy gloating rights. That's right, we're announcing in this issue our offer to cash-rich readers the opportunity to pay for the right to gloat in this new Gloat Your Exile column. But it'll cost ya some!
Meanwhile, let the pros at The eXile show you how it's done. Ready? Now, straighten your back, tuck your hands into your armpits, wiggle your legs, and start a-gloatin!:
June 16, 2006 (issue 240)
Why You're Fucked: Financial Crisis II: Another Sequel
By Mark Ames
Could we be on the verge of another financial catastrophe? I'll admit it: I'm hopeful.
...Last time it was a debt bubble. This time it's a credit bubble. What that means is that since 2000-1, when the US markets crashed and the economy headed into a recession, the US Central Bank pumped shitloads of money (liquidity) via ridiculously low interest rates. This meant that people had not so much "more money" as "easy-to-access" money which they used to buy houses. All that easy money meant housing prices soared for five years straight, to levels unprecedented when compared to the average Joe's stagnating income. However, all the Joes who owned houses saw their asset prices soar, much like those who held NASDAQ stocks in the 90s saw their stock portfolios soar, and that meant more money to spend on everything from plasma TVs to hybrid SUVs, liposuctions surgeries and everything else sold on credit. The US government worked the same voodoo on its budget - massively increasing spending while at the same time cutting tax revenues. In other words, offering easy, free money to itself.
...So keep the easy credit rolling, ye greedy finance goons...the higher it rises, the harder it will fall. And the more for me.
Hoo-wee did he call it! Now, let's see how long it takes the journalism world's leading economists to catch up with The eXile:
May 23 2007
When the credit bubble goes 'pop':
By Grace Wong
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) - Cheap debt has never flowed as freely as it does now, but the credit boom won't last forever, experts say.
Jul 12th 2007
Another pounding: Problems in America's housing market begin to undermine confidence in the global credit bubble
WHEN the man approaching you is wearing boxing gloves, it makes sense to duck. The crisis in the American subprime-mortgage market was clearly visible months ago...
Hey, it only took 'em a year. And the whole thing was clearly visible months ago, although for some reason, only the eXile saw it. Don't worry CNN, fret not Economist, you'll catch up to The eXile one of these days.
Meanwhile, ask yourself this: Do you dream of looking as smart as us? Is all your money somehow not giving you the kind of satisfaction you'd expected? Then give it to us! Email our sales goddess Zalina at firstname.lastname@example.org and for the right price, you too can flaunt your shit and dirty-chicken over the errors of your enemies.
We're serious! Are u?