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Mankind's only alternative

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[SIC!] September 10, 2007
Your Letters
Page 2 of 4

Dear Mr. Nuckols, Jesus Chirst, you're still alive? You haven't written us one of your love letters about the bombing of Serbia since like, 2000, at least. You know, we've never said this to anyone before, so we'll say it to you: Mark Nuckols, you're so September 10th that it actually hurts.


Dear War Nerd,

Just a quick note to say that I love your column! I read it every day now and it makes me learn, and laugh, a lot. I myself am something of a minor war nerd. I work at a Defence Academy abroad but more on the softer, fluffier, war politics and society side. But your stuff helps me to get with the sharp end of combat and especially guerrilla warfare. Like you, I am a total civilian and lead a pretty sedentary life. I'm also probably a total coward.

To be honest, I'm more of a fan of Victor Davis Hanson than you are, and kind of see the point of neocons in looking for an alternative to isolationism and amoral realism, and seeing the lack of political freedom as the source of the Islamist threat. But I trusted the Bush administration to carry out policies I believed were justified, and look where that left us...

Anyway, keep writing your great stuff!


Fat man

P.S. the master folk I work for would disapprove of this email being put on your letters page. Not that its an especially memorable email.

Dear Mr. Fat Man, Oh but you're wrong, your email is especially memorable. From one fat man to another, what it shows is how the world wide web is revolutionizing all of our lives, including the lives of fat men seeking other fat men for long nights discussing war. There's already a bit of conflict built into this relationship, as you're a Victor Davis Hanson type, and the War Nerd isn't, but hey, what's a relationship without a little conflict? Spices it up! Clearly you're marking yourself as the "bottomer" in this one. Now the big question is whether Gary Brecher is interested or not. Stick by your email, keep clicking "receive messages," he's bound to answer you any day now...


War Nerd,

You are the idiot of idiots. You are no writer and certainly no intellectual prize, either. Go away you asshole fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ian and Lisa

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Ian and Lisa,

Wow, two proposals in a row! First a fat man wants Gary to top him, and now a swinger couple wants to get into some hardcore domination and submission sex with the War Nerd, emphasis on the anal sex/Cleveland Steamer. Boy, is this the War Nerd's lucky day, or what?!


Mr. Editor,

So every slimy succubus, ironed shirt wearing, asshole office manager in Europe has scampered like rats to their little package holidays in Croatia, Montenegro, or whatever other hedonistic nudist coastline they can lay waste to this August. They've left the European business environment in a stillborn state and we lower level office monkeys are left to sit in our uncomfortable office chairs, wait for phone calls that will never come, and surf the net looking for something to busy our bored minds.

So why does the Exile staff join the flock of white collar scumbags and take the damn month off as well!? I thought that you represented us people on the periphery of society-- the people that are too weird and individualistic to play the corporate game (well), the people that refuse to suck ass to get to the top (or are too unattractive to be able to do so), the people that refuse to waste valuable exploratory years to sit in a classroom and get an MBA (and have the attention span of a 3 year old on speed), the people that simply choose not to sell out for a hollow top manager position (why doesn't the guy with the big desk like me?). We're the people that have to sit in these hot, your kick ass, play by our own rules, too dumb to realize whats good for us, readers. We're your base readership.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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